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Here are some THOUGHTS, mostly about Captain America

Is someone writing a story where Captain America is well and truly freaked out and appalled by people being openly gay? As in, he is from a time when people were being blacklisted and denied jobs and FIRED and INSTITUTIONALIZED for being gay and I know! I KNOW, Steve Rogers is an incredibly, fundamentally decent guy who, let's not forget, spent a lot of time with chorus girls, so it’s not especially far-fetched to write a story where it takes him all of an afternoon or long weekend to get over GAY FOLKS, walkin’ around! Being gay!

BUT.

BUT.

I’m not saying that Captain America is going to go around calling people depraved perverts or getting violent or gay bashing or experiencing gay panic and punching anyone, OBVIOUSLY that would never happen, because Steve Rogers is the best person. The Best Person, he really is.

BUT.

The thing is, it’s maybe a security risk and it’s a psychological disorder and it leads to drug use and VD and living secret ruinous lives and it happens because of buried childhood trauma. Right? (Imagine you woke up tomorrow and being, oh, I don’t know, an out of control alcoholic was AOK and mentioning that someone should think about cutting back on the drinking was tantamount to hate speech.) And every time Steve tries to delicately broach the subject, everyone agrees vehemently that Tony Stark is a screwed-up manchild who desperately needs years of psychotherapy (note: this isn’t how Steve puts it) buuuuuuuut, no one actually ever does anything about it.

So Tony continues to--to--to--let’s just call it “date” a parade of incredibly handsome men who sometimes even stay for breakfast like they’re not even ashamed. Not that they should be ashamed, exactly! but--anyhow, everyone else seems to find Tony’s self-destructive promiscuous homosexual behavior amusing, and the way they talk about it--. Well, Steve knows it’s a different time, but calling someone a slut just seems insensitive.

AND LOOK AT HIM, it is TEXTBOOK! Tony grew up with a Problematic Relationship with a Distant Father! And now he's psychologically damaged! It's not just about how it's really not the best idea to have a psychologically unstable person in the Iron Man suit, because Steve is--AGAIN--a decent person, and he's really starting to care about Tony and thinks he must be desperately unhappy inside, even though he seems to be enjoying his life, having a lot of casual sex with tall, handsome men.

SO LOOK.

If Captain America thinks you could benefit from psychological intervention, he's not going to shrink from bringing it up, even if it might be personally awkward and discomfiting and involve discussion of personal topics. He's Captain America, you guys! He owes it to Howard Stark! Tony is actually a stand-up guy who deserves happiness! Of course it takes him a little while to figure out how best to bring it up, and maybe he has some confusing feelings/dreams during this time, but that would happen to anyone.

So--that exists, right? Don't look at me, because:

1. I am pretty deeply involved in Erik Lenscherr's depraved, disgusting thoughts about someone who can literally READ HIS MIND and probably is only tolerating him because he hasn't said anything or done anything or touched him except out of necessity or looked too long or let himself think about--ANYHOW. Priorities!

2. My brain persists in believing that Steve Rogers is Ken Doll smooth* beneath his pants. Apparently I don’t find him sexy? It’s odd.

*PS: can someone please write that one, too?

3. Oh my GOD EVERYONE, This Means War was the best, most romantic movie about frankly disgusting and scary stalking, misuse of government resources, bald-faced lying and inappropriate boundaries that I have ever seen after pouring a full five shots of rum* into a movie coke. I had the Vapours! Tom Hardy looks real good in plaid. Best argument for plural marriage since John Sheppard was crazy but all his friends loved him (and each other) anyway.

*this is the amount my most leak-proof sippy cup holds.
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Title: Stick to the Stipend
Author: Helen
Fandom: X-Men: First Class
Pairing: Erik/Charles
Rating: Rish
Size: 2358
Summary: “It’s not about the money,” Erik says. “Although I imagine you’d be more careful with your receipts if you planned on ever actually submitting them for reimbursement.”

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It was a catastrophic error in judgement to watch X-Men First Class while also having a lot of important Real Life type obligations to meet over the next few weeks.

I guess this constitutes SPOILERS )

and here is a scene from a story that that makes 100% no sense )

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Title: Pants on Fire
Author: Helen
Fandom: Inception
Pairing: Arthur/Eames
Rating: NC-17
Size: 15,168
Summary: "Ah," Yusuf says, lifting a reproving hand, "are we calling less than 24 hours of memory loss amnesia now?"
Notes: Many thanks to solvent for her tireless and ingenious beta work.

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I totally have "writer's block" now - AKA it is hard to go back to your regular writing life after some sort of black-out writing EPISODE where you could churn out 5000 words of handjobs a day and the only impediment to doing so was needing to sometimes take a break to actually act like a functional human being who interacts with humans/nurtures offspring.

But, look, when you have a streak, you respect the streak - I learned that from Bull Durham which a) had the first full length sex scene I ever remember watching (my mom: "should we let you.... ...oh well" ) and b) actually has pretty much the best sex scene montage I've ever seen in a movie Not that I IMPRINTED ON IT OR ANYTHING (I totally imprinted on it.)

but NEVER MIND ALL THAT:

Litzs made some really neat comic book-style panels of Eames and Arthur first meeting. Arthur's hair! His eyes! His slender waist! Eames' robe! Also, the coloring is really cool. Let's put in an extra exclamation point for Arthur's hair!!

And I already linked both of these, but, you know, AMAZING:

paperflower86 made important and historically accurate romance novel covers!

and she also drew this! Please to note the sod hut in the background and Arthur's chain mail and his sour expression, as though he's only just realized that his amazing super plan of stealing a monk and banging him whenever he wants and buying him a wife and keeping him forever and how totally uncomplicated it's going to be has some SMALL FLAWS.

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Title: Patience, a Steady Hand
Author: Helen
Fandom: Inception
Pairing: Arthur/Eames
Rating: NC-17
Size: ~43,000
Summary: 821 A.D. Arthur is in the nightmare business. Eames is a thief, a liar, and versatile with a pen.
Warnings: Rape, attempted rape, coercive sex, dubiously consensual sex, physical and emotional abuse, violence, sexual violence, and sexism.
Notes: Huge and grateful thanks to crimsonclad and solvent90 for beta work.

Historical Accuracy notes: Obviously this story is 100% historically accurate.

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I want to thank all of you for your kind comments on my Natty Bumppo post - I generally try (and don't do a very good job) to answer all the comments I get, but there's a difference between saying "hey, thank you, I worked hard on that!" when someone says "I really liked that part with Eames' dong," and trying to answer someone saying "I'm glad your child is alive and healthy and sitting at your kitchen table trying to stuff dried cranberries into your mouth and saying "NOOOHH" and demanding his train and throwing his train on the floor and shoving his beloved owl's sodden beak into your mouth while making kiss-kiss noises." and I need a little rest from bursting into grateful tears at how kind and lovely people are.

What I mean is: thank you, internet people. I don't really know a lot of you as well as I would like, but this community of fantastic, supportive, amazing people who care about each other is exactly what I would expect from assembling of a committee of people who are compelled to have detailed conversations about Eames' dong with strangers.

Also, SPEAKING OF, I am channeling all of my emotional energy (that is, the emotional energy not used in trying to fight off an Owl's amorous advances) into VIKINGS and I am...somewhere. I have done you the great favor of trying to put down a chronology of story writing stages below:

I'm not doing this.
Okay, I AM doing this, but only a little.
IT IS ON.
I AM A GENIUS
UH OH
NESTING BOXES
I HATE EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING, GDI
handjobs (this goes on for a while.)
this might have been a bad idea
I AM NOT A GENIUS
wait a minute, what about....no. NOPE.
I don't care anymore, I just want it to be over.
THIS IS WHY WE DON'T TALK ABOUT STORIES IN PUBLIC
the only way out is through.
Didn't I already write this scene? No? It is a garbled pile of mispelled half-sentences that read like something out of a peyote overdose?*
THE ONLY WAY OUT IS THROUGH <---I am here right now.

*AN ACTUAL EXCERPT FROM A CRUCIAL PIVOTAL SCENE: "aif that’s, your hands, then that’s he swallows." ....what? YEAH. This is what I'm working with.

Oh, here, have this picture of Eames nobly suffering that I have to look at every ten minutes while breathing deeply in order to carry on.

I want to say that this is the last time I will talk about this story until it is DONE, but I think we all know that, much like Arthur, who tells himself he doesn't care what a slave thinks, I don't really mean it.

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It is 5:41 am and apparently I am awake in order to write about Vikings. I have reached the NESTING BOXES portion of writing, where every scene you write suddenly makes you realize you need a whole new scene or three somewhere else or have to spent 30 minutes drawing floorplans of stone huts or realizing that you have characters hauling laundry a LITERAL mile to wash them in the FREAKING SALT WATER OCEAN when there is a perfectly good stream fifty feet from their hut that cannot be gotten rid of and, on top of that, there are multiple mentions of hauling buckets from a fucking WELL when there is a perfectly good stream, etc. etc. you get the idea.

It is a short step from the NESTING BOXES stage to the I HATE EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING GDI stage which I expect to blow into today.

I am having to take lots of deep breaths and look at this picture of Arthur the Viking - just squint a little and pretend that orange glow in the background is the burning pyre of his enemies. Look at how sad he is! I can't stand it. Fuck. He has to know love.

Salt mines.

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VIKING UPDATE:

words: 25,000
self: STILL BANANAS
Time spent perusing Viking Answer Lady for Historical Accuracy verification purposes: hours
Primary emotion on discovering that COCK is not the hugest word in this wordle I made of my working document which I have pasted under the cut: complete and utter incredulity.

surprise! it appears to be a tie between back and hand, with a valiant showing from bed, mouth, face, and like )

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Helen
User: [info]helenish
Name: Helen
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